


Of Plants & Paramours

by AnnaLane



Category: Cassandra Palmer Series - Karen Chance
Genre: Drabble, Drabble Collection, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:49:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28470423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnaLane/pseuds/AnnaLane
Summary: Two oneshot crackfics. Story One: Cassie is sent a suitor; an unexpected guest arrives.Story Two: Pritkin shaves the other leg (Cassie only shaved one leg/Pritkin requires balance).
Relationships: Cassandra Palmer/John Pritkin
Kudos: 2





	1. Of Plants & Paramours

There was a rapidfire knocking at the suite door. Cassie’s eyes twitched open and it took her brain a second to catch up. Her court and bodyguards had finally given her a moment of peace. The little ones had gone away to color with the vampires on the balcony and the older ones had been excited to learn of a rare bingo opportunity only a ways down the hectic Las Vegas strip. They’d rented an old yellow school bus that had been repurposed to cater to the party crowd. It had a magical wet bar and fey-installed AC System that made it feel like a cool, thunderstorming day despite the current scorching Las Vegas heat.  


The magic school bus had been tempting, but Cassie had elected to stay behind, because the big damn fluffy sofa in the living area of her suite was even more comfortable than her giant Dark-Fey-King-sized bed. She had just fallen asleep and begun a dream of triple-tiered pizza loaded with fresh, salty, meaty, and can’t-forget-perfectly-oily ingredients when: knocking! Which, sigh, because the only place she’d get that kind of fantasy dish was in her dreams. She could hear someone clear their throat at the threshold. Isn’t anyone in this hellish hell-themed suite going to get that? She thought to herself.  


But alas, no - they weren’t. Maybe the interloper would go away. Cassie closed her eyes as if she could will them away, which yeah, actually she probably could. But that might not look good. Diplomacy or something. So she was stuck with more subtle tactics. Like ignoring it. But still the knocking persisted. Nevermore, thought Cassie gloomily. She could always shift out if it was someone annoying, diplomacy be damned, and that thought cheered her greatly.  


She shifted to the door from her reclining position on the couch, but that kind of sudden orientation shift still made her a bit dizzy, so she was wobbling when she opened the door.  


A handsome man - or was he a man? thought Cassie suspiciously - stood behind her door. He had flowing dark hair that rippled perfectly without curling and eyes that looked to be a deep topaz cream, not unlike butter and brown sugar on toast. And his white dress shirt had been unbuttoned to show off bronzed flesh perfectly fitted over a ridiculously muscled chest in a move reminiscent of an old romance cover. Only, Cassie had seen it done better. Multiple. Times. Cassie suddenly did not want Marco to appear, because if he did the stranger might suddenly feel a bit silly and inadequate and men were hard to deal with when struggling with those emotions.  


“Did you bring any food?” she asked hopefully.  


The man looked appropriately dismayed. “No, my lady. I was told it was perhaps best to stay away from...consumables, given what happened with your last suitor.”  


There was a lot to unpack with that one, but she couldn’t help focusing on her biggest issue. She did not order a Fabio, and certainly would not have welcomed one without food. Cassie felt one corner of her mouth dip down in a strange sense of disappointment. Because she was still hungry, and if she couldn’t nap, she would like to eat. But this guy hadn’t brought her anything except a bunch of small yellow buds in a plastic bouquet, which he now produced from behind his perfectly adequate body.  


Cassie motioned to a side table outside the door. “You can just push those others aside. Someone will be by to inspect them later.”  


He looked so shocked and dismayed that Cassie was almost amused. “I was sent by Jonas for the Lady Cassandra.”  


Cassie gave him a strange look. “So I assume. And I am sure you are a nice -” she sniffed delicately. She politely struggled not to give a light choke, because she still had Mircea’s sense of smell. “Gosh, um, rat? Was it? But we are at War right now, so uh, yeah now’s not a good time.” And she’d had a rather sordid past history with rats.  


Fabio looked helplessly around her deserted suite and then back at her fuzzy slippers and fleece PJs. “I have tickets to the ballet?” he asked.  


Cassie shook her head and pointed to the table outside the door.  


He looked at the flowers, which sure, might have been charming, sweet, and quaint in an unassuming and wistful way. But vampires didn’t really do unassuming or quaint. The outside of her suite was filled with exotic blooms and vibrant colors in bouquets with flowers bigger than his wide forehead. And witches and mages didn’t really do ‘normal’ - the flowers from them were filled with strange (sometimes wiggling) vines and petals and often consisted of potent and rare ingredients for powerful spells. Cassie swore Pritkin was almost happy when he found another mage’s bouquet outside her door.  


“You won’t even take them?” he seemed sad, and his voice had lost some of the commanding quality. He looked back at the table and Cassie suddenly found it ironic that flowers were often compared to female genitalia. Fabio’s offering was looking particularly short, and slight.  


Cassie tried to smile. She knew accepting gifts was important. But would she take them from him? Uh, no, she’d learned her lesson last time. No part of this guy or anything he brought would be allowed past the front wards. She slowly shook her head and began to inch the door closed.  


“But -”  


A crashing from inside the suite nearly made Cassie’s skeleton jump from inside her skin. An ominous figure in a dark, hooded cloak sped into the suite as nearly every alarm and ward went off at once. Cassie’s enhanced eyes could see the faint swirling lines in the man’s cloak that screamed fey, but the man himself didn’t have such a scent.  
Marco came crashing in. He made a move towards the intruder, but the tall creature flung him off with ease. Marco made it through a few walls before the plaster and dust obscured him from view. “My suite,” Cassie lamented, looking at the comfy couch, which was now littered with debris. “We just had that couch cleaned from the glass.”  
The cloak figure stalked towards her and Cassie’s eyes widened. She reached for were-rat and pulled him inside through the wards. “Take out that guy and maybe we can have a coffee sometime,” Cassie promised.  


Fabio looked down - and down - at her and gave her a gleaming smile. “Yes, my lady. I had expected some test. Please, watch.” He pulled up Cassie’s hand to lay a gentle kiss across the knuckles.  


The cloaked one seemed to have become extra incensed with the movement. He ripped his hood away. “Get away from her,” he bared his fangs.  


And Cassie could hardly believe her eyes. She was sure they must be bugging out of her head. He was genuinely the last person she expected to see. He spared her a glance that she couldn’t begin to read, and only noticed because of Mircea’s enhanced senses.  


Fabio chose that moment to shift and Cassie suddenly lost her appetite. Skin was not meant to ripple like that, not meant to split like it had seams, and sure as hell humans and rats were never meant to be merged as one. At least her power to age something into nothing had some degree of naturalness about it, but this? No. Not right not right, her mind screamed. The rat gave a screeching hiss.  


Pritkin chose that moment to enter the suite. He was holding a potted plant intently, but looked up to survey the room. His eyes settled on Cassie, as if to follow her lead. She shrugged.  


Tomas tensed when he saw the mage, but ultimately decided the rat was the bigger threat, as he launched himself with preternatural speed at the oversized man-rodent. They stumbled out into the hall and Pritkin slowly walked up to her. His attention seemed like it was back on the plant.  


It was almost surreal. Why would Jonas send more suitors? And Tomas, of all people? And only Marco had come running? And now her boyfriend was paying more attention to a damn plant than to her?!? Cassie struggled with the urge to throw a major bitch fit before she was suddenly filled with calm.  


“Ah,” Cassie smiled pleasantly. “I see now, it was all a dream. Must have been the spicy, pumpkin spice samosas I had before my nap.”  


“I’m fairly certain it wasn’t,” Pritkin said dryly.  


Cassie smiled indulgently at her handsome boyfriend. She began to feel him up, starting with his strong arms. “Ah? A shame. I was beginning to think this dream was starting to get somewhere interesting.”  


A blonde eyebrow quirked and Pritkin’s lips twitched. What on Earth would she have to do for a full-blown smile? Cassie decided she was about to find out. She led Pritikin by the front of his shirt to her bedroom door, which was thankfully warded with one of her new nifty, time webs. She slammed the door with some finality.


	2. Smooth

Hm, this does feel nice. Pritkin thought as his right leg slipped between the rough sheets that made up his bed in his hovel of a room in Las Vegas. Not that he minded; the rooms were bigger than most mages’ rooms at HQ.  


His right leg was currently hairless and despite himself, he was enjoying the smooth frictionless slide between his skin and the covers. His other leg practically dragged into place next to it. And damn, he was tired, was always tired after a day with Cassie, but . . .  


He sighed and got up. He couldn’t live like this. The universe was completely out of balance. And he could only imagine how strange they’d look next to each other as one leg slowly grew in.  


Pritkin got in the shower and began lathering up his hairy leg with a multi-purpose shampoo, body wash, and potion remover. He always kept a full bottle in his quarters, but he would have to make more if he planned to stay with Cassie. Which he did. Come to think of it, he’d probably need to add something a bit stronger.  


It was an annoying process. The hair was longer between the blades than it seemed to be on his leg. Pritkin made a mental note to pour some of the noxious potion runoff from his next batch down the drain. With all the bloody hair that grew on just one damn leg, the drain was sure to clog. He could already feel the blades begin to dull. Nicks from the blade quickly flashed on his skin only to disappear as he healed. His body started to ache from the strange position he had to contort into to reach the back of his calf and thigh. This was all too much to ask of a man who could barely remember to shave his face.  


And it was taking forever! He was surprised Cassie herself had the patience for such a task. He looked over his shoulder with no small amount of paranoia. It would be . . . inopportune if the young clairvoyant chose this moment to appear.  


He grit his teeth as he ran the ridiculously small razor across the expanse of skin once more. He needed coffee to do this shit, but then he’d never get to sleep. Why Cassie had chosen to stand there with his cock between her legs to shave only one leg is beyond him at this point. All he can think is that there are far better things she could have done with his body while she had it. He didn’t know why the thought of her invading and touching every inch of him while he wasn’t even there turned him on so much, but the mere idea gets him hard. He feels some slight disgust at himself. Even when the girl isn’t around? He wanted to groan. Torment.  


Pritkin looked down at his now smooth legs and Cassie’s mischievous face flashed in his mind. The rush of affection that filled him was far more alien and alarming than the rush of lust had been. He dried himself off and hoped he would not dream of her again when he slept tonight.  


It was a false hope.


End file.
